tears and joy
by Lies.And.Distraction
Summary: There's only one thing missing. [Ludger end. Gen.]


Ludger rubs his eyes with a sigh, leaning back in his chair. He's pretty sure screens aren't meant to be stared at for five hours straight, day after day, but he supposes it comes with the territory. He'd expected a plethora of paperwork, but even a lot of the Rieze Maxia-related documents are digital these days. The only papers he has have lines marked with an 'x' at the bottom.

"You keep it up, you're gonna need glasses soon, just like me," Julius says, setting the paperweight he'd been tossing around back on Ludger's desk. His eyes crinkle a little with his smile.

"You're welcome to help out," Ludger says, casting him a dry look, and stands to stretch his back. "You're really the one who should be president, anyway. Everyone loves you. I really have no qualifications to be here at all."

"And yet you've been doing spectacular work. When's the last time you heard someone question your right to the throne?" He pauses for emphasis, and takes Ludger's silence as his win. "You even have groupies now, just like I used to."

Ludger flushes a little, pulls his arm across his chest and stretches it to give him a reason to look away. "We both know Vera's the one who does most of the work. I just shake hands and sign things."

"'We both know' that's not true," Julius chides. He steps around the desk and goes to stand in front of the wall-length window, looking down on Trigleph. "You don't give yourself enough credit." Ludger opens his mouth to respond, but Julius continues, "Maybe that's a good thing, though. What a poor brother I'd be if I'd raised you to have a big ego." He flashes Ludger a smirk.

"Who could get a big ego with you as a brother?" Ludger asks wryly. He bends down and touches his toes. His knees give a little and his muscles protest; he needs to spend more time sparring, being active. Needs to remember to stretch when he cools down. "When did you get glasses, anyway? I don't remember."

"I must have been... I don't know, fifteen? No, you would have been seven then. Sixteen or so. I put it off longer than I should have, but... Needs must."

And yet they suit him. All too well. Ludger tells him so, and Julius laughs. "Always nice to hear. I like to think they give me a bit of intelligent charm I wouldn't otherwise have."

Ludger rolls his eyes. "Now who's not giving himself enough credit." He reaches over for the small stack of papers Vera had brought in earlier and shuffles through it. A complaint about one of their plants, Vera-approved budget requests, a reminder for at least three different meetings next week... Nothing that needs his immediate attention. The computer flashes its screensaver. "Do you want to go for a walk?"

Julius takes a moment to think about it, then shakes his head. "You go ahead. I don't feel like dealing with crowds right now."

Ludger hadn't noticed, but the streets must be busy down on ground-level. He understands Julius' hesitance, but his need for fresh air and a break outweighs his reluctance to be recognized. "Okay. I'll see you in a bit, then." He tugs his suit jacket on- the same one he curses Julius for talking him into, fucking 'you need to look professional, this is an important job'- and buttons it up as he heads for the door.

He's about to close it behind him when he stops, calls back, "You should run down to the cafeteria while I'm gone. You've gotta be hungry."

"Yes, mom," Julius says, and Ludger closes the door on him.

Vera, a few feet away and holding more papers that he assumes are headed into his office, looks confused. "Who were you talking to?"

He hadn't noticed her at all. He rubs the back of his head. "Nii-san. But, um, you tend to get pretty distracted by work, so if you haven't eaten yet, maybe you should, too. Grab a late lunch with Nova, or something."

"Oh." She looks at the door. "I... Yes, of course. I might do that." Her loss of composure, as always, is only momentary. "How long will you be out?"

Ludger shrugs. "Twenty minutes, half an hour." By the by, since she's there already, he adds, "I'm thinking of leaving early today."

Vera nods. "I'll make note of what you should get through before you head home." Hand on the doorknob, she says, " _After._ I get lunch. With Nova."

"Thank you," Ludger says sheepishly. "I appreciate it."

"Of course," Nova says.

* * *

"It's been a while since we've had a day like this, huh," Ludger muses, lowering his book a little. Julius sits across from him on the couch, supposedly watching the television Ludger has his back to (really, starting to doze off). Their legs are tangled together; it's rather comfortable for the ways their knees are bent and tangled. "Nothing urgent at work, no world saving," or destroying, "to do... Just you and me." He smiles, more towards himself than his brother. "I've missed this."

"Me too," Julius says solemnly, the weight of the world(s) in his eyes. Ludger wishes he had seen it Before. Wishes that he had gotten answers from Julius before shit his the fan (how far back to go...?), that they could have been a team, instead of working against each other almost to the end. Maybe things would have turned out better then- not that they aren't fine now, but-

"There's only one thing missing, huh," Julius says softly. He's always very careful when the topic of Elle comes up, like he's not sure he's allowed to even say her name. Ludger thinks he's ridiculous and bears more sins than he, himself, committed.

"The three of us never hung out like this before, though," Ludger says, smiling softly. "I miss her. It's not as bad as it was, now, but... Sometimes I try to picture how much she'd have grown by now. It hurts."

"When you were her age, between eight and nine..." Julius strokes his non-existent beard. "I'm pretty sure you grew two inches, tops. You were the shortest in your class."

Ludger raises the book to cover his face. "I got this tall, at least. Eventually."

"My little brother, all grown up." There's a certain softness in his gaze, his tone. Ludger ducks his head.

"I guess we'll never know. About her."

"You'll still have this dimension's Elle. Soon enough, if I'm correct."

Ludger freezes. Takes a hand off the book, fidgets with his sleeve- stops fidgeting abruptly, purposely grabs the book again.

He's succeeded in thoroughly confusing Julius, whose eyebrows are drawn. "Ludger?"

It builds in his throat like a bubble, and then the bubble bursts. Quickly, he says, "She wouldn't be my Elle. Not, I mean, not the Elle I know." Julius blinks at him. He continues. "I want to care about the Elle I'm supposed to father here, but she's not. My Elle. Won't be. I'm afraid I'd just see the differences between them and expect her to act one way just to. Not.

"And I don't even know Lara- I'm sure she's a good person; to put up with Victor she had to be- but am I really supposed to expect that things between us will go the way they did in Victor's dimension? I haven't even met her. I only know her name, and that she'd have a girl named Elle with me if we tried- but don't you think she'd be creeped out by even that much?"

Julius considers him with an unreadable look. "Do you not want that life? Not to get to know Lara, to be this Elle's father?"

Ludger closes his book and slowly sets it on the ground. After a moment, he asks, "Is that selfish of me? Is it wrong? ...If I don't marry Lara, Elle won't exist here. Won't exist again." The thought drives a wedge of panic through his heart. "But I just. I don't know. If I can do it. If I can't, it's like- like Victor, having his daughter right in front of him and wanting something else. I don't want to..."

"I don't think that's selfish," Julius cuts in. "I think it's practical. This world would be blessed to have a little girl like Elle in it again, but children know when they're not wanted." They both know that. "If you can't bear to see her, it may be better, for Elle's sake..." His face twists, and he doesn't finish his sentence. Ludger gets it. "Though, you know, maybe you'd change your mind when you see her for the first time. Fatherhood is one of life's magics... for most." Ludger doesn't respond. "As for Lara... you never know. Maybe you'll get along, if you give it a shot."

"Maybe," Ludger mutters to his hands.

Julius stares at him a little longer, then stands up. "Let's not waste our day off on worrying. Come help me pick out a board game; we'll see if I can still beat you at all of them."

Ludger skeptically slides off the couch and follows him to the cabinet. "You mean the ones we haven't played since I was twelve?"

"Fifteen," Julius corrects absently. "I distinctly remember spending the night of my 24th birthday playing these games with you." His finger hovers over the names on the game boxes as he reads them; just a bit closer and he'll leave a finger-shaped line in the dust that's gathered. Ludger knew he was routinely forgetting to clean _somewhere_.

"Also, I'm pretty sure I was the one who won most of the time."

Julius waves that off. "I let you win. Most of the time."

* * *

"I gotta say... they are pretty cute," Alvin says reluctantly, arms folded, over by the wall. Ludger crouches down and reaches for the spyrites, laughing at him and his determination to stay cool and composed.

Ludger has seen Alvin fanboy before. He knows the signs that Alvin's holding back.. That pinched look on his face, his tense shoulders...

"As I said, they're just the most recent prototypes," says Jude, scratching his cheek, "but these guys are pretty small and manageable... We're hoping they'd be good for a first run. I won't have the papers for you 'til at least next week. I know we've made everyone wait too long already, but. Bugs." He crouches down in front of Ludger, on the spyrites' other side; one of the spyrites turns away from Ludger's fingers and takes a running leap at Jude's chest. He scrambles to catch it with a surprised squeak. "They're, uh," he stutters, "not going to do that usually. Probably. I think."

"It's cute," Ludger says, "like they're pets. People think it's cute when cats and dogs do it; why not spyrites?" It's been ages since Rollo was fit and energetic enough to pounce on him. Alas, the spyrite he's scratching under the chin seems to have no interest in imitating its friend. He supposes Jude _has_ been around them more; of course they'd be more excited to see him than some over-dressed stranger.

"They're not pets, though..." Jude trails off, stroking his spyrite's back.

"Would you rather people just think of them as tools?" Alvin asks, like he already knows the answer. The flames of jealousy burn in his eyes. Ludger smirks. "Most pets I know get treated pretty well. One in particular. One very fat pet in particular." He doesn't look at Ludger, but he's never been very good at playing innocent.

Ludger holds his hand out for the spyrite to climb onto. After a moment, it obliges. He picks it up. "Alvin, what would you name this one?"

"I wouldn't," he says flatly.

"Alvin, you name your guns. Your guns have names. You can name a spyrite." The spyrite looks back and forth between them, tilts its head curiously. It's inevitable. Alvin will give in.

"We haven't really given them names yet, so... I don't mind if you both name them," Jude offers. He stands with the other spyrite. "Well, actually, Balan's been calling them all sorts of names- it's just that none have stuck. And also it's Balan." Perhaps _because_ it's Balan. He holds the spyrite out to Alvin.

Alvin resists. His arms stay folded. His eyes stay locked on to the spyrite. Jude, seeming not to notice this at all, holds the spyrite out a little further.

Alvin breaks, takes it and brings it close to his chest. His eyes are sparkling. Ludger can see the sparks.

Success.

"I dunno, this one seems pretty exciteable." He strokes its head with one finger. "When it comes to you. But I don't think you want me to name it Milla."

"Huh?" Jude, having just turned away, spins back around. His face might be a little red. Ludger politely ignores it.

Ignoring that, Alvin muses, "I really suck at naming things, you know. If you know the things I've named my weapons, then you know I should not be doing this. You better take it back unless you want to call this thing shit like 'sock'."

"'Sock'?" Ludger asks, face twisting. His spyrite wiggles, and he looks down at it. It wiggles again. He lowers his hand and lets it jump off. It scuttles off, first to investigate the closest chair, then moving on to the wires taped out of the way by the wall..

"Don't question me," Alvin says. "You're the one who put me on the spot. The only other thing I can think of is..." He looks sidelong at Ludger.

Jude finishes, softly, "Elle."

"Yeah."

Sadness trickles down Ludger's spine, but he smiles. "She'd like that." He watches the other spyrite investigate the walls. "I'd name this one Victor, then. Elle and Victor." That in itself brings him a kind of sadness, but it seems fitting.

"Victor?" Jude asks, eyebrows drawn. "Not..." Ludger waits for him to finish his thought, but he doesn't. Instead, he looks away.

"So!" Alvin says, too loud. "We were gonna have a little celebration tonight. You're coming, right, Ludger?" Elle in one hand, he strides over to throw an arm around Ludger's shoulder. "There will indeed be alcohol for people taller than five-foot-three; you can finally kick back after several long, hard weeks of all this bigwig shit they've got you stuck with."

"I _am_ taller than that, Alvin," Jude protests. He takes Elle back. Alvin looks on sadly, as if he hadn't decided his own fate.

Ludger chuckles, grabbing his coat. "I would, but nii-san is expecting me home. It _has_ been a busy week. Tonight's the first real free time I've had in a while." He smiles at them apologetically.

Jude mouths something, brows furrowing, and takes a small step forward. "Ludger," he starts, and gets no further. Ludger catches Alvin shaking his head from the corner of his eye. Jude smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. "See you next time, then."

"Keep me updated," he replies, looking between them. After a moment, he decides not to ask, to let them keep their secrets. Victor trots over to him. He bends down and scratches its head one more time. "If you need anything, just call."

It's not Jude, but Alvin who says, with a strange intensity, "You too. Anything. We've got your back."

Before a confused smile can even make its way to his face, Balan throws open the door and announces his return. Ludger high-tails it out of there.

* * *

The sun warms the streets, gentled by a tiny breeze. The weather isn't usually so amenable, even if it's been slowly getting nicer over the last year; hopefully it will continue its upward trajectory as Jude's spyrites turn the world around, but until then, stable weather isn't a hallmark of unstable ecosystems. Regardless, it's the perfect day to have a lunch date, if only Ludger weren't late.

He plops down heavily across from Julius, at a shade-protected table outside the restaurant. His brother looks at him with a raised eyebrow. It's a little more judgement than he wants to be subjected to right now. "Sorry I'm late," he says. "The meeting ran long, and then some of our department heads had things to complain to me about. Personally, one at a time."

Julius asks, eyebrow still arched, "Did you run here?"

Ludger knows for a fact his hair is in disarray. His clothes are a bit rumpled, too. He rolls up his sleeves. "I was pretty late already. I didn't want to be later."

"I'm all yours, however late you may be," Julius says blithely. "I admit, though, I ended up eating while I was waiting for you." He smiles, doing that sad thing with his eyebrows.

That's a little disappointing, but it's not really a big deal. "What's the food like here?" he asks, flipping through the only menu on the table.

"Nothing like yours, but decent enough." He still sounds wistful. "Our kitchen is going to get dusty."

"I'll clean it before then," Ludger murmurs, but honestly agrees with Julius. He misses cooking, misses the time in the mornings he'd have with Julius before he took off, the times in the evenings when Julius would come home tired and grim, but brighten up when they sat down to eat. Those days weren't so long ago, but sometimes they feel an eternity behind him.

A waitress steps outside to take his order, and he gives it, thanking her as she leaves. When he turns back to his brother, Julius is smiling at him. Ludger isn't sure why, and, instead of thinking about it too hard, ignores him.

"So, I was thinking. You did great work on the GHS, and I've seen your name on a dozen other projects in the tech development department. From what I've heard from others, it seems like you enjoyed that kind of work." He looks earnestly at Julius until Julius meets his eyes. "You can go back to doing that. No world destroying this time. No worries about the company."

Julius is silent. Contemplative. His eyes drift down to the tabletop; he raises a hand to his lips. "I've thought of that, to be honest," he says slowly. "It feels wrong, after all this time providing for you, for me to be mooching off of you... Taking no responsibility..." He trails off. He searches for words for a moment. "I've never been good enough, no matter what it is I do-"

"That's not true," Ludger says, a little too loudly. The man across the street looks over at him distastefully. Ludger reddens and focuses on Julius. "You've always been good enough. More than good enough."

Julius' smile is warm like the shining sun, gentle like the day's breeze. "Thank you for feeling that way. I don't understand how you can think so, even now," Ludger makes a disapproving face, and Julius ignores it, "but it means a lot to me." He smiles for a moment longer, and then the smile falls. "I was trying to say, he would have expected me to become president of Spirius after him. To do any less would be another failure- and yet, even if I were to be president, I wouldn't be good enough. I wouldn't do nearly as well as you."

"Bullshit," Ludger says mutinously.

Julius chuckles. "So instead of trying and failing at what he would have me doing, or trying something for myself, I've been avoiding. Everything." He spreads his hands, then drops them. "Honestly, I had never really expected to outlive him- to live past Origin's Trial. I'd never thought about what I would want to do, what I could do, with freedom. I'm... still adjusting, I think."

"Take all the time you need," Ludger says firmly. "Let me take care of you now."

"How absurd," Julius mutters, but not without humor.

The waitress returns and sets Ludger's plate down in front of him. Once again, he thanks her, and she leaves.

It looks good enough. Certainly better than some things he's eaten around here. He picks up his fork. "Bisley can't do anything to you now, you know. Why do you care what he'd think of you?" Absorbed in his lunch as he is, he doesn't notice Julius stiffen at first- but when the silence stretches on, he looks back up. Julius won't meet his eyes.

Slowly, Ludger puts his fork back down. He raises his other hand to his head, slowly fingers the white amongst the black in his bangs. "Oh," he says softly. "I guess... some things make more sense now."

"I hate him. I hated him then and I hate him now. I don't care what he thinks of me," Julius says tightly.

"It's fine if you do. He was your- our- father, whatever he's done." He feels himself drift a bit, like he's not connected to this, like it's someone else moving his mouth. "Cornelia... and Claudia Kresnik... We didn't have the same mother, did we?"

"I'm sorry," Julius says, sounding way too pained over something as simple as a lie.

"It's fine," Ludger says distantly. "So your mother was... the Key of Kresnik before Elle... Mine must have been Claudia. I don't remember anything about her. I don't remember her dying. I don't remember meeting you. I don't remember anything." He frowns.

Before he can ask, Julius says, "I don't want to talk about it."

Knowing half the things Julius has been through in life, Ludger decides to leave it. He has no desire to cause his brother any more pain.

"It doesn't matter, anyway." Ludger picks up his fork again. "You're the one who's always been there for me. Who my parents were don't matter." He takes a bite, chews, swallows. Looks up at Julius. "You must have your mother's hair."

"And our father's stone-cold eyes," Julius says softly.

Ludger shakes his head. "I guess I have my mother's eyes and his hair. Neither of those make me one of them. Your eyes don't make you him." He eats a little, then adds, "You're better than him. Much better than he ever was."

Julius shakes his head helplessly, but doesn't argue. Instead, he asks, "How's the food?"

"Decent, but not mine."

* * *

Alvin feels like they're doing something wrong, gathered together in Leia's tiny apartment- him, Jude, Leia, and the those twins, Ludger's friends. He feels like they're keeping secrets, something that has always fucked him over, always. Maybe they are. At this point, he doesn't know what to think.

Vera sits across from him as primly as ever. "There have been several instances around the office and the Spirius building in general that I saw or heard something," she chooses her words carefully, "...unusual from him," she says. He wishes he felt as calm as she looks. "Recently, I learned that he believes he's talking to former Dir- to his brother."

"Couple days ago at Jude's lab, when he left, he said he had to go home to Julius, like he's actually _there_ , waiting. Like he didn't notice anything wrong about that. I don't know, guys, it was some creepy shit." Alvin leans forward, elbows on his knees, hands dangling as limp and lifeless as his hope that one day the world will stop shitting all over him and his.

Leia says, voice hushed, "I know what you mean. I've seen it too. The other day, I saw him talking to thin air on his way home. I didn't think much of it then, but I remember." She brings her fingertips to her lips, but doesn't start biting her nails; Alvin catches sight of the color on them and understands why. "He was smiling... I noticed because he was smiling..."

"I've hardly taken my nose out of my work in months, and his texts weren't at all alarming, so I didn't know anything was wrong until the other day," Jude says, pained. "I mean, of course there are the obvious things, but this... How could we have missed this? Looking back, it's kind of obvious when he must have started," he forces the word out, "hallucinating, or whatever it is, but shouldn't we have noticed something between then and now?"

Alvin's no match for that kicked puppy look. He averts his gaze. "You mourn, you move on. We all figured he'd moved on. I'm pretty sure we were hounding him a lot more when he looked like he was one bad joke away from jumping off a building than when he started looking like he'd returned to the living." Leia nods. Jude lifts a shoulder halfheartedly.

Nova fidgets from her seat. "I've been trying to get him out of his apartment every weekend. Sometimes Ludger will go with me, but first I always see this back and forth- well, the back or the forth, which one would Ludger be? the forth?- and I just. Kind of want to cry. He looks so happy when he's talking to... not-Julius. I'm afraid to say anything to him about it, so I've just played along." She looks down at her hands.

"Him being happy about it doesn't mean his delusions are a good thing," Alvin says. His fingers have been twitching for a cigarette for ages now. Too bad he quit smoking. "One of these days, his nice imaginary world is gonna come crashing down, right back on his shoulders."

"Does that give us the right to say anything to him?" Jude stares at the ground. Kid's the most empathetic thing Alvin has ever met. Maxwell help him. "We already took his brother from him once..."

"Someone will, some day. Probably sooner, rather than later. Then what?"

"We'll have to be there for him, 100%," Nova says, mouth pressed thin in determination. Her eyes glisten. "We're his friends. He lost people he cares about, but he still has us. We need to let him know he can lean on us."

"Good luck with that," Alvin says tiredly. He sits up, drags a hand through his hair. "I've seen this shit before. It's not pretty. A lot of people, when they get faced with reality, can't take it. They never recover."

"And for Ludger," Jude starts, and trails off.

"It was already so hard on him... Hard enough for this to happen at all." Leia clasps her hands together, what looks like as tightly as she can. "This isn't fair."

"None of it's fair. It's never been fair. Not for us," Alvin says, and sighs, "and certainly not for the Kresnik family."

* * *

It's been a while, but their apartment is finally, _finally_ clean again. Top to bottom. In the past, he'd been able to keep up with the cleaning and do laundry and cook dinner in time for Julius to get home, even during high school. The gap between school and Origin's Trial was filled with sparring (failure), job searching, (failure, even in success), and plenty of time to keep house.

Then came the Trial, and adult life. Adult life happens to include long hours at the Spirius Corp. office and lack anything else.

Ludger wipes his forehead, looking around to make sure he didn't miss anything. Rollo strolls in through the cat door, without a care for Ludger's clean floor (luckily, he tends not to bring in dirt unless he's been around mud, and if he had been around mud, it would be immediately apparent. Ludger's floors thank him for his restraint.). He twines himself around Ludger's ankles, purring.

"Is it time to eat already?" Ludger asks him. Rollo meows. It's always time to eat in Rollo's world, but even in the human world, it's late afternoon- mealtime. Time flies, and such.

Grinning, Ludger puts the broom away and goes to fill Rollo's bowl. "Don't let nii-san feed you again when he gets back," he warns, as he taps the last of the food from the can. "It's not good for you to eat so much. I don't want to have to ground you both."

Rollo meows again, tail swishing once, twice. He then dismisses Ludger completely, shoving his face right into his bowl.

Ludger chuckles. "I guess I'm lucky you paid that much attention to me, huh." He doesn't get a response. It's no surprise.

He's lying on his bed, texting Jude, when Julius gets home. He's leaning in the open doorway rather comfortably when he knocks on the door to get Ludger's attention. He could have been there for twenty minutes, for all Ludger knows; he hadn't noticed a thing.

Ludger jumps, but quickly sits up upon seeing his brother. "Nii-san! Welcome home. I didn't hear you come in." His mouth curls around the words, 'did you have a nice afternoon?', but the look on Julius' face stops them before they leave his lips. Instead, he asks, "Is everything okay?"

Julius looks troubled, a little pensive. He pushes off the doorjamb and takes a few steps into Ludger's room. Ludger scoots over to make room for him on the bed. "You're twenty-one, you know," Julius says as he sits down.

Ludger waits for more, and then, when it doesn't come, says, "Yeah...?"

Julius eyes him fondly. "Most men your age don't want to be living with their brothers anymore."

"They're not me." Ludger's eyebrows slowly draw together. "I like living with you." He pauses, then, conclusion reached, asks, "Do you want me to move out?" He's been waiting for it for three years now, so he wouldn't be surprised, exactly. Plenty disappointed. Not surprised.

"That's not it," Julius says, too surely to be a lie. "It's just..." He leans back on his hands. "People are going to talk."

Ludger's not sure what he expected. The uncertainty in his chest clears up. "I really don't care," he says. "They can say what they want. It's none of their business."

Julius looks him in the eye intently for what feels like a long time before finally smiling. "If you're sure."

"Of course," Ludger says, and then stills. "Unless... You're twenty-nine. Most people would say it's weird you're still putting up with me." He looks away.

"It's not weird at all, for me. As long as you're happy."

"I am."

"You have to have noticed the looks people are giving you lately."

He has. His friends included. Even Jude has been looking at him askance lately- though, he has enough courtesy to try to hide it. Maybe Ludger should go ahead and tell him, flat out- in reply to his last, unanswered text, even: 'by the way, I'm not sleeping with my brother.' As for the rest of the world, "It's none of their business," he repeats.

"If you're sure," Julius repeats, and leans over to press his lips to Ludger's forehead. He lingers there for a moment, and then stands.

Ludger's thoughts stall and then spin around, refusing to go back to any sense of order. From the chaos, he pulls the question, "Are you happy, too?", and blurts it out too loudly. He feels his the heat rush to his face and wills it away.

Julius stops, once more in the doorway, and turns around. He smiles warmly, eyes sparkling. "Of course. I've never been happier."

 _fin_

* * *

I'm a mess of emotions for these dudes 24/7

Ludger is just a mess 24/7

whatever your desired continuation is- something any degree of happy, or bittersweet, or downright upsetting- is what you should imagine. I have my own thoughts about what happens after this, but ultimately I want it to be up to the reader to interpret. so, yes, this is the end. I accomplished what I intended to accomplish here... as far as content covered goes, at least. I am perhaps lacking in the subtle nuances which would have really made the piece.

most recent edit: April 12, 2018. changed some wording. rewrote a few sketchy sentences. added an additional 1k words of commentary (read: crying) over on Ao3.


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